Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
