We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
