my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
