where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
