I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Randomize
