oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
