How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
