Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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