I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
