I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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