That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
