Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
