Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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