rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize