everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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