A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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