Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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