i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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