Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
