Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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