you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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