Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
