new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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