he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
