So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
