Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize