You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
