Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There r osticjed everywhere
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
