I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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