I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
