All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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