Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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