I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
