Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
