My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
