i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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