Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
