you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize