I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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