Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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