Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
