so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize