You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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