He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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