cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize