When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
