Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
