D3 body, D1 cock
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
