it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just cut my nipple shaving
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
