girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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