How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
