you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize