You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
