ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
