I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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