it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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