I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
