i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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