sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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