If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
