She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
