Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
