Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
