in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
