i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
