I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
