I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
