I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
