Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize