Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
